As the passage of time lengthens, the human idea of death and the afterlife has seen various interpretations based on belief systems, personal faiths, and tales passed on through generations. It’s possibly because of the claustrophobia associated with the idea of ‘finality’ and non-existence that urges our mind to find avenues to cope with a universal truth - death is the only certainty.

For Thailand-based visual artist, Natthaya Thaidecha, the tangibility of death and a yearning to find a place that might not exist is a central theme through her practice. After having lost her mother in 2020, Natthaya’s tender imagery wields portals into her own mind, as well as parallel worlds that might linger around us but operate at different frequencies. In her ongoing work titled, As she calls her breath back, the photographer paints imagery of the afterlife as it seeps into Earth’s surroundings in colours that don’t exist. Using hues of magenta with hints of visible colours such as red, green, and blue, Natthaya attempts at merging the unknown with the known in a story that still needs to find closure.

“I was photographing glimpses of my mind, but I was often frustrated and lost. Until I realised that maybe this is the core of what I wanted to talk about. I am searching for something that might not exist, and maybe that is the work - the journey of not knowing,” she elaborates in an interview over Zoom. The project is the recipient of Arttaca’s first open call grant of USDC $1000, which will also be presented in a group show with 9 other grantees in Bangkok, Thailand. “I see my current edit as a good start to something that still needs developing,” continues Natthaya.

In her collection of approximately 25 images, light breathes on skin to reveal worlds seen by her and nobody else. We traverse through the inner crescents of her mind’s eye, that is intertwined with childhood memories and a longing to find her mother again. With photographs of her siblings, abstractions of an unnerving and surrealistic landscape, and whiffs of alternate realities, the viewer sees portals - but much like Natthaya – can’t enter them.

Photographed over July and August 2022 with grant funds that supported travel, new gear, and inspirational photobooks; for Natthaya, the work sits somewhere between her first abstraction project Eclipse, and her second body of work titled 00. While Eclipse (2020) is a collaborative photobook with artist Daniel Huete, that explores Natthaya’s paralysing fear of drowning, and Daniel’s struggle to come to terms with his mother’s passing; 00 is steeped in her realistic surroundings after the loss of her mother. “00 refers to new beginnings - the beginning of the end. It also hints at the heart rate monitor that read 00 after my mother passed,” explains the artist. Her endeavour is to let her new stories breathe in between the imagery of Eclipse which is based in imagination and symbolism, and the visual language of 00 which is far more grounded.

While the project began as completely unplanned, it was during her second shoot that the photographer decided to stage a few frames with poses and props. However, she wasn’t satisfied with the process, and it felt rather forced and disingenuous. “This happened during a shoot trip with my siblings which I’m eventually grateful for, because even though I may not be satisfied with the images, it was a chance for me to spend time with my brothers and sisters!” exclaims Natthaya. For her, the photograph that she feels closest to is one of a baby goat who seems lost in a thicket of grass with no semblance of where it is going. She resonates with the tiny animal that holds within it a sense of both, innocence and fear.

While the artist visited a mining area with intriguing landscape in Thailand along with her siblings, it was in the South of Thailand where she felt the remnants of an afterlife during a visit to a resort where the tsunami had hit in 2004. While shooting with Daniel for a short film that accompanied their photobook, Eclipse, the wind was howling and the sound of the waves resounded through the abandoned property. “I think this experience made a particularly strong impact on me and gave me a sense of the aftermath of loss that lingered within the space,” contemplates Natthaya.

At first, the photographer had titled her body of work, A Silver String, that insinuates the silver chord that binds the body and soul together according to Ecclesiastes 12:6-7 in the Jewish Bible or Christian Old Testament. However, she didn’t feel like it did complete justice to the work and continued to ponder upon a thought that would perfectly encapsulate her project. “I came across an article that refers to the silver chord when ‘God calls his breath back…’ it then struck me that since my body of work is about my mother, and I refer to death as being a ‘she’ in Eclipse, the title As she calls her breath back seemed most appropriate,” she explains. And as her quest continues with the camera as her guide, the viewer finds themselves searching for something too. Whether it is similar to Natthaya’s pursuit or not, is still left to be told.